


Change your mind

by rosalynbair



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Backstory, Blood and Injury, F/M, Injury Recovery, Kidnapped, Mild Language, Not Eating, Orgasm, Psychological Torture, Shameless Smut, Smut, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 19:51:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11835846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosalynbair/pseuds/rosalynbair
Summary: The reader is captured by the First Order to infiltrate their base and learn their secrets, only to fall in love with her childhood friend all over again.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> word count : 3000+  
> This was written in three parts which is why it may seem a little choppy from each part

Things had always been strained. Ever since the moment she stepped onto the ship, the air between you had been far too tense for anyone to bare. It was almost as if he knew that you were a spy.  
You had been born upon the Finalizer, you were the daughter of the General who had overseen the ship at the time. When you were barely half a decade old, the Resistance had attacked, rendering the ship almost useless in any form of battle. They had almost destroyed it completely, until they found you, quivering and hiding in the floor, your eyes wide as she stared at the assailants. It was then that they called off the rest of the attack, wondering if there were in fact any more children upon the ship.   
They were a resistance, working for the greater cause, but they could not murder innocent children. Children had no part in this. And they could not leave a small girl in the floor there, your future unknown in the ship, as you were in the arms of her dead mother.   
That was where your life began.   
You had been taken from the Finalizer. It had taken more strength than one realizes to pull you from your mother, the child had been adamant that you must stay, you must stay and wait for daddy. He’d come back for you.  
But you were taken, taken back to the Resistance base. It was there that you became a headstrong young woman. You held strong views on mostly anything anyone approached you with. You were nimble, and could get out of almost any situation you found yourself in.   
You were a warrior.   
A warrior for the Resistance. You believed in the cause, believed that everyone deserved freedom and peace. No one deserved to live in terror.   
You were a warrior. One who could keep your head on her shoulders, one who could not be easily read. This was the exact reason they chose you for this mission.   
You were to be captured, you were to return to the Finalizer and learn what you could before escaping and returning home.   
“Are you positive you can handle this?” Leia asked, handing you a small pack containing a change of clothes, a knife, and a small transponder in which you could communicate with home base.   
“Yes” you said quietly, strapping the pack onto your shoulders.  
“We can pick another if needed. You know very well that that is your birth place” Han said, placing his hand onto your shoulder.  
“And I know that that is where Ben is” You say, your voice dropping to a whisper.   
Ben and you had been playmates as children. He was the first one you learned to trust when you had first come to the Resistance. You had been friends, almost child loves. Almost.  
He had told you that he loved you. Only once, and never again afterwards. In fact, you had never seen him after that. It had been years since you had seen Ben Solo in person. He announced his love to you, and then had begged you to come with him, to run away and join him somewhere far away where he could live up to his full potential.  
But, as much as he was your friend, you were loyal to the cause, and still had training to do and things to learn. You had rejected him, you had yet to see someone as broken as Ben had been when you turned away from him. You never saw him again.   
“It may be too late to try to bring him back” Leia told you, giving you a small smile. Leia wanted nothing more than her son to be home.   
“I know. Bringing him home isn’t my mission. But it may happen yet” you told them.  
Han nods, bringing you close to him and wrapping you into a large hug, passing you onto Leia.   
“Be safe” Leia tells you sternly, kissing her forehead.   
“Send a message through the transponder as soon as you have a chance” Han orders.  
“Yes sir” you say, nodding.   
You turned away, walking with the small crowd to the small ships. You climb into one, smiling at Poe.  
“So.. I’m letting you get captured?” Poe asked.  
“That’s the plan” you tell him, letting out a sigh.   
You and Poe had been friends all through training. You had taken to him after Ben disappeared.   
“I don’t like it” Poe announces.  
“No one does. But it’s the only option we have” You say, fastening the seatbelt as Poe started the ship, lifting off the ground.   
You stare out the window, sighing as your home slowly disappeared from you. You hadn’t left the ground in a few years, too busy training to leave.   
You never got used to being in the stars, the permeant darkness slowly draining your energy. As beautiful as the solar systems were, there was nothing in space. There was no warmth, no breeze. You weren’t the biggest fan of being in space. You much preferred being on land.   
The trip was a fair distance, even going at lightspeed didn’t make it a short and easy trip. It was a few hours before the Finalizer came into view. The large ship loomed over you as you got closer, Poe putting up a fight while you undid your seatbelt, fastening the bag over your shoulders once again.   
Poe had to stop eventually, letting his ship become compromised. Stormtroopers coming onto the ship, Poe kissing your cheek before he abandoned the ship and darting to his backup.   
You moved, grabbing a gun and holding it steady as the Stormtroopers came into your view.   
Nothing much happened as they grabbed you, you had put up a small struggle, and ended up with a large gash in your thigh from one of their guns.   
You were limping along, your arm held by one of the Stormtroopers who was looming over you. Many stared at you as you were pulled along. It was clear they didn’t have hostages often, especially not from the resistance.   
“Who do you have here FN-1298” Someone commanded, a tall red-haired man.   
“A prisoner from the resistance General. We captured her ship” The one holding you announced, and you glared at the man.  
“Kylo Ren would not be pleased that I haven’t had medical assistance yet” You interjected, the pain searing through your thigh.  
“Do not tell me what Kylo Ren would think or do” The General snapped, and your eyes narrowed.   
“Get him” you demanded, squirming slightly.  
“Do not tell me what to do. I am your superior” The General told you, making himself slightly taller.   
“My name is Y/N Y/L/N” You told him “I was born here. I’m most likely still in your system. Code number GK-0373”   
The General stiffened, staring at the small woman in front of him. Her number was on the missing persons list in their system. She was the daughter of his predecessor.   
“Get her to the infirmary, now” The General snapped, turning away and walking away briskly, his boots making a loud thump each time he took a step.   
You were dragged through many halls, you limped along, trying to keep up, knowing full well that they wouldn’t slow down for you.   
When you arrived at the infirmary, you were greeted by a medical droid, who instructed you to sit on a small bed. You did as you were told, taking the tight pants off so the droid could access the wound on your thigh.   
You were examining the room, wincing as the droid cleaned and sanitized your wound. You stared at the white walls and the trays holding the supplies that were used by the droid, the floors were pristine. But of course, everything on the ship was, there was nothing to dirty it.   
Looking over the room again, looking to the door where there was a small window in it, a man standing on the other side.  
You caught his eye, looking away quickly when you recognized the features. The high cheekbones and the beautiful pouty lips, the thick black hair cascading around his face. His skin was pale, no freckles gracing his skin.   
You snuck another glance, seeing the window empty. You sigh, trying to slow your sudden racing heart. Your breathing had hitched, something the droid had noticed.  
“Please lay down” It instructed, and you followed, laying down on the bed.   
You closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing. He came to see you. Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t hate you. It was a long shot, knowing how much pain you had put him through, but there could be some possibility that he didn’t fully hate you.   
You sigh, opening your eyes once more and staring at the white ceiling, feeling a sudden prick on your thigh.   
You let out a small huff, shivering as the feeling repeated over and over, almost ten times. The droid started wiping the wound down once more, bandaging it up and handing you a pair of black pants. They were trousers, made for someone smaller than you, you were on the shorter end of the spectrum for a female, these pants were probably made for a male adolescent, the legs ending just above your ankles. They hugged your bum, you’d never be able to fit anything in the pockets, but there clearly wasn’t a lot of females your size on board, therefore there wasn’t anything your size.   
You opened a curtain after you finished changing, a black long sleeve shirt covering you. You pulled on your worn boots, sighing as another Stormtrooper came in, grabbing your arm and pulling you back down multiple hallways, up an elevator and down even more hallways. Some were familiar to you, you had very old memories of a tall dark-haired man chasing you down a hallway, laughing. Your father, you most presumed. You hadn’t had any contact with your father in many years, you knew he no longer lived here, he had retired and disappeared. Your mother had died the day you were taken to the resistance.   
“Where are we going?” You asked the Stormtrooper “I know you’re human under there”  
“He wants to interrogate you” He answers curtly.   
“Who?” You asked, looking up at the white mask.  
“It’s none of your business” He says, dragging you into a room.  
It didn’t take a genius to know what this room was used for. It was small, with a chair in the middle. The chair held robotic straps. Interrogation room. You should have known that you would have ended up here.  
You barely struggled as they strapped your wrists down, locking the straps around your ankles, leaving you immobilized. You groaned, letting your head hit the metal head rest, letting the dull ache spread throughout your head.   
You craved the meal you had had the night prior, not knowing how much longer it would be until you ate again. Until the people here could trust you enough.   
The Stormtrooper left the room, locking the door behind him and standing at the door, making sure no one came in. Or, more likely, that you didn’t get out.   
The wait was endless. You were usually on top of everything, but in this moment, you had no plan. You had no plan for any of the scenarios that could play out. You were guessing that it would be Ben…Kylo who would interrogate you. But then again, you could be wrong. It could be the uptight general, or some other official with a lavish title and pristine boots that had never seen the horrors of the war you were currently fighting.   
The room started to distort the longer you stared at the wall, and you knew that this was Kylo’s doing. He knew that you’d eventually grow exhausted, leaving not much of a fight to put up when he tried to wrack your mind of all your information. You had trained extensively to hide your mind, to replace important things with lies and false memories. The trick was to make sure the memories weren’t completely faked, they had to be acted out, so you weren’t making up an entire scenario that your mind could accidentally alter each time you projected it.   
Even with your training, you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep up the story if you were as exhausted as you were about to be.   
Your mental clock kept ticking, passing hours and hours. Since the time you had started to count, a full 32 hours had elapsed.   
“Sorry to keep you waiting” A deep mechanical voice said, the door opening. You took him in, the black jacket with the hood up, it rested on a black shirt and black pants. He wore leather gloves over his pale hands, and his boots thudded loudly in the quiet room.  
The sound of his voice hurt, for almost two days you were in complete silence, not once hearing anything more than your breathing. He was speaking harshly, yet quietly, and it was loud enough to make you squirm. Feeling lie you needed to shy away and cover your ears from the noise. His breathing was heavy through the mask, the rustling of his clothes. It was all too loud.   
“If you’re going to talk to me, do it without the mask” You hoarsely rasped out, you were parched and dehydrated, leaving your throat dry.   
“Don’t tell me what to do Y/N” Kylo said to you, you knew that under the mask he’d be glaring at you.  
“Ah yes, Kylo Ren does what he wants” You grumble, glaring at him the best you could through your exhaustion.  
“Why are you here Y/N” Kylo demanded, keeping his distance from you “I know you well enough that you would never get caught”  
“Things change” You say quietly, head drooping, you forced your eyes to stay open.  
“Not like this” Kylo grumbled, turning away from you, his back facing you.  
“Yes like this. We’re here aren’t we?” You asked, forcing your head back up against the metal rest.   
Very suddenly, the clasps holding you opened, and you dropped, unable to hold yourself up. You were too weak, too exhausted. You struggled on your hands and knees, trying to push yourself up.  
“I don’t trust you” Kylo said quietly.  
“I don’t trust you” You copied, looking up and staring at him, his posture tense.   
“I won’t change my mind” Kylo tells you, crossing his arms over his chest.  
“I never expected you too” You respond, finally getting yourself up to your feet, stumbling and grabbing the wall. He was closer, but you’d never use him for support again.   
“I’ll ask again Y/N” He started, stepping towards you “Why are you here”  
“I will not answer to a mask” You hiss, putting more weight against the wall.  
There was a moment of silence, of questioning. Until he took his mask off, very slowly, his hair falling around his face.  
The deep brown eyes stared at you, seeming darker than they really were because of his pale skin. He looked the same as when he left, yet more sad, defeated in a way. You could see the unresolved anger in his eyes.  
“Ben-“ You started.  
“Do not call me by that wretched name” He hissed, the deep honey of his voice caressing you.  
“It’s your name Ben” You insisted.  
He stepped forward, his hand clenching as the air around you became thick, unbreathable. You gasp, squirming and sliding down to the floor.  
“This isn’t you” You coughed “Ben please”  
“My name isn’t Ben!” He yelled at you, flinging you across the room, watching in pain as you hit the other wall.   
He would never let anyone, especially you, know that he had never stopped loving you. You were his addiction, his kryptonite. He always knew when you were on a mission, he knew exactly which fighter ship you were in, he knew your exact injuries you had sustained during your missions. He knew it all, because no matter how broken you made him, he valued your life over anyone’s. He’d never let anyone know that his entire mortality rested in your hands. You had the power to change his mind. You had the power, if you had just told him that you loved him back, he would have stayed. He would have done anything to be with you. But you wouldn’t let him love you.  
The memories killed him, and he let out a deep growl, causing you to look back up to him. His face had darkened, and he stepped towards you again.   
“Why are you here Y/N” He asked, malice lacing his words. He blamed his destruction on you. “What is your purpose here”  
“I came on my own free will” You muttered, preparing your lies.   
“I don’t believe you” He told you.  
“They abandoned me. They don’t care about me anymore. They sent me into a death mission” You whisper, “I cannot side with someone who could send their own to their deaths”  
“Don’t lie to me!” Kylo bellowed, you noticed the Stormtrooper at the door jumped slightly from the elevation of noise.  
“I’m not!” You beg, shaking.  
“Why would you come here” He asked, his breathing picking up.  
“Because you’re the only one who would care” You whisper, catching his eye.  
“You’re wrong” Kylo told you.  
“No I’m not” You say quietly “You do care. You’re just good at not showing it.”  
“You don’t know me.” Kylo snapped.  
“Yes I do!” You exclaim.   
“No! You know who I used to be. You knew the boy that needed your help. The boy you abandoned!” He yelled at you.  
“I didn’t abandon you!” You yell back “You’re the one who left!”  
“I left because you didn’t want me!” His voice dropped, and he turned away.  
“I never said that I didn’t want you!” You tremble, trying to get back up to your feet.  
“You might’ve well have had” He hisses.  
“I was fifteen! How was I supposed to know that I was in love with you!” It was never supposed to be like this. This was not the plan you had tried to focus on. This was too emotional, there was no way anything logical could come out of this.   
Kylo stiffened, turning towards you with a dark look in his eyes.  
“You could have said anything. But you said nothing” He said, his voice deathly monotone.   
It was moments before he walked out of the room, sliding his mask back on. You heard his boots echo down the hall before the sound finally faded from your ears.  
You let yourself drop, groaning in pain as you hit the hard floor.  
~  
When you awoke, you were sore. But you were no longer on the floor. You were in a hard bed, back in the infirmary, a droid asking you to eat lunch.  
You sat up, rubbing your head in pain as you crossed your legs on the bed, staring at the unappetizing food.  
There were dark bruises around your wrists and ankles, leaving you to sigh.   
“Please miss.” The droid asked you “Master Ren gave us orders to make sure you are fed”  
“Knowing him, he’s probably trying to poison me” You grumble, pushing yourself off the bed, holding onto the rail on the bed to find your balance.  
“Miss please, you cannot walk yet” The droid exclaimed, rushing over to you.   
“Take me to Kylo” You grumble, staring at the droid. “I wasn’t done talking to him.”


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2000 +

You weren’t taken to Kylo. You were taken to a heavily guarded room. When you were pushed into it, you stumbled to the ground. The droid had been distressed, telling you that you needed to regain your health and not get up yet. You had never been one to listen to what was best for you.  
You were in someone’s living quarters. It was almost empty save the furniture. There was a bed off to the side of the room, against a window, the blankets strewn on it haphazardly, accompanied by a bedside table with a lamp. On the other side of the room were two doors, assuming the fresher and the closet. There was a small table with a chair, and a armchair by a small bookshelf. There were very few personal items in the room. You knew Kylo wouldn’t have anything too personal in his vicinity, there were so many people that didn’t like him. If they found something they could use against him, they’d do it.   
You stumbled to the chair, sitting in it, unable to stand any longer. There was a small table beside it, with a book resting on top of it. One of the pages was dogeared. You shook your head. Typical. He had no respect for the integrity of books.   
You picked the book up, reading the summary on the back, brows furrowing. This was not a typical Kylo book. It was a romance novella, one you recalled reading when you were younger. In fact, you don’t remember it being in your collection for a few years.  
You shook your head again, setting it back down and standing up. You walked slowly over to the washroom, turning on the bright light. There was a razor sitting on the sink, a half empty container of soap and a comb. You couldn’t help yourself but go through the drawers, seeing the shampoo and other products. But they only filled one drawer, the other two were empty.   
You look up to the mirror, staring at your reflection. You looked like you always had, albite with less color to your skin, and tangled hair. You pull the black elastic from your wrist, tying your hair up into a ponytail, trying to ignore how greasy it had become in the few days you had been on the ship.   
You turn on the tap, vigorously washing your hands and arms, trying to feel clean again. You hated this about being on ships. It was so claustrophobic. Everything clung to you.  
“Where are you” A voice said, cutting roughly through the silence. You jump, cursing and turning off the tap, shuffling out of the washroom.  
“The medic droid didn’t discharge you” Kylo said to you gruffly, removing his mask and placing it on the bedside table.   
“I’m fine” You grumble, crossing your arms over your chest and trying to ignore the shaking of your legs.  
“Sit down Y/N, before you over exert yourself” He told you, leaving no room for back talk.   
You did as you were told, too tired to argue with him. You sat on the cushy chair again, folding your hands in your lap.  
“They said you wanted to speak to me” Kylo said, removing his cape and hanging it up on a hook.   
“Yes” You whisper, trying to figure out exactly what you were about to tell him.   
“Go on” He urged.  
“I want to speak with you as an equal. Not an inferior” You tell him, watching him closely.  
“It has been a long time since I have been spoken to as an equal” He tells you, pulling out the chair by the table, sitting down on it, his long legs spread out.  
“Then let this be my chance to talk to you” You say softly. Whatever speech you had prepared in your mind flew away the moment you opened your mouth.   
Kylo was sure he heard you wrong, staring at you with a shocked stare. There was no way he heard you right. His ears were playing tricks on him.  
“I miss you Kylo” You say to him, fiddling with your fingers “I got myself captured because I didn’t want to be without you any more. I’ve done nothing but regret how we left things. I can’t be without you anymore. I left the resistance.”  
Of course this wasn’t all a lie. You did miss him. But you knew the only way to get him to trust you was to lay out some of your emotions. It was the only way he wouldn’t have you watched every second.  
“I love you Kylo. I always have” You say, looking up from your hands and catching his eye.  
You didn’t expect him to stand up, walking closer to you and looming over you. You shook, fearing that he had changed far too much and could see right through you. He knelt in front of you, grabbing your face between your hands, moving closer and placing his lips gently against your forehead.  
“If you’re lying to me Y/N Y/L/N, I will not hesitate to kill you” He whispered to you, holding your gaze with his.  
“I wouldn’t lie to you” You whisper, leaning closer against your better instincts. Liar you told yourself. You’re a liar. “I love you Kylo Ren. Even if you’re not the boy who told me you loved me”  
“I’ve always been that boy” He said to you, watching you closely as you leaned in closer, fluttering your eyes closed as you pressed your lips to his, whimpering when he pushed against you, tilting his head to capture your lips.  
You wished that you weren’t here as a spy. You wished you were here to love him like he deserved to be loved. But you weren’t. You were a spy. And although you loved him, you had a job to do.   
You were the one to pull away, resting your nose against his, foreheads touching.   
“I’ve never stopped loving you” Kylo whispered, closing his eyes before standing up “I’ll order us dinner”  
~  
You were on the ship for a few weeks before the guilt fully started to take you.   
You’re lying to him.  
You were having debates with yourself, debating on telling him or not. You always convinced yourself not to tell him anything. He already said he’d kill you. He allowed you to walk the ship and learn your surroundings, nothing too important was ever given to you, but you learned enough from Kylo when he was angry. He’d ramble and vent to you, before fucking you into oblivion to get your frustrations out.   
It happened often, his complaints. You’d report back to Leia about everything he told you. Han wasn’t pleased with how you were getting your information. Whoring around for it, he said. But you weren’t whoring around. You just liked sleeping with Kylo, it just happened to happen after he told you information.  
You jumped slightly when the door banged open, Kylo storming in and throwing something across the room. You stare at him, setting the book in your hands down.  
“Kylo?” You asked, standing and walking over to him.   
He grumbled, removing his cape and his boots, his body shaking with anger as you placed your hand on his shoulder.  
“Kylo. Talk to me” You said gently, massaging his shoulder.  
“There’s a mole” He hissed “The Resistance know of some of our top secret information.”  
Your heart stopped.  
“Do you know who it could me – I mean be?” You asked shakily, trying to hold your composure.  
“Hux thinks it’s one of the new officers” Kylo grumbled, standing up and pulling you against him. “It could be anyone. They’re going through each department to weed through everyone.”  
You nod, going up on your toes and grabbing your lips with his, trying to get his mind off of it before it settled that you were in fact the mole.  
“Come to bed. I can help you relax” You tell him, pushing his shirt up over his stomach and chest.  
You heard him release a sigh and then a chuckle, grabbing your hips and lifting you up, walking over to the bed before setting you down.  
You shake your head, sliding off the bed and onto your knees, undoing his belt and pants, sliding them down and releasing his already hard number, watching it slap his stomach.  
You grab it, pushing his pants down, watching him shuffle out of them and kick them away. You heard him release a loud groan as you placed your mouth around him, hollowing your cheeks before pulling off of him, running your hand up and down the now slick surface.  
“Y/N, you know better than to tease” He whispered, grabbing your hair and pulling you back towards him.  
Your mouth returns to him, your tongue dancing around his head and grazing the tip, slight precum dripping into your mouth. Your hand led your mouth, covering what you couldn’t. You pulled away again, looking at him and standing up, pushing your pants down and turning so your back was facing him.   
Kylo’s hand went to your waist as you bent over the bed, widening your stance so you could take him nicely between your legs.  
You shake in anticipation, feeling him guiding his dick between your folds, rubbing against your clit for a moment before moving to your entrance, sliding in slowly, letting you feel every bit of him as he connected to the end. You let out a breathy moan.  
“You know better than to tease” You tell him, repeating his earlier words.   
There was a sudden sting across your ass, leaving you to yelp and squirm.  
“Don’t talk back to me” He grumbled, holding your hips in place as he started up a pace, groaning when his hips slapped against your ass.  
You grip the duvet, adjusting your stance again to take him better. You moaned loudly as he quickened, and then slowed, knowing that he was torturing you.  
“Kylo” You beg, rolling your hips back against him, trying to get all of him.  
Kylo lets out a chuckle, tightening the grip on your hips as he starts to return to his quick pace, groaning as you clench around him. You reach down, running your fingers over your sensitive clit, gathering some of the moisture from your sex before starting in on your clit. You needed to cum.   
You started off slow, before matching his thrusts. You let out a whimper, begging him to keep going.  
“Kylo..Oh Kylo. Please. I’m almost there” You gasp, your fingers moving against your clit furiously as the tension in your body started to build up.   
It started in your stomach, the tightening then moved to your thighs as you tried to close your legs. Kylo reached around your body, pushing your fingers away and replacing them with his, letting you hold the duvet tightly as he stimulated you, his breathing heavily in your ear.  
“C’mon Y/N. My little whore. Cum for me” He whispered to you, his own orgasm starting to approach.   
It was then that you couldn’t take it anymore, your muscles taut as he kept going over your clit, his dick pounding roughly into you.  
Your orgasm took over your body, your legs giving out as Kylo kept you still, not easing up as you struggled, trying to get away from his fingers as you gasp, moaning his name loudly, rocking against his dick.   
He came in you, holding you against him and kissing your neck roughly, moaning your name.   
You crawled away when he pulled out of you, laying on the bed, your legs shaking from the orgasm he had given you.   
You turned to face him, puckering your lips as he leaned down to kiss you, grabbing a box off tissues and cleaning himself up.  
“You’re right, that did calm me” He chuckled, and you give him a coy smile.  
“It’s what I’m here for” You tell him, stretching out before standing and pulling your pants back on.   
You go to the washroom, hearing him leave after a few minutes, you come out, quickly grabbing your transponder.  
“Y/N to Res” You whisper, trying to keep it down in case anyone was in the hallway outside.  
“We copy” Someone replied, and you smile, hearing Poe’s voice.  
“Poe!” You say excitedly “I miss you”  
“I miss you too kid, now what’s going on?” He asked, you hadn’t checked in in a few days.  
“They know someone is giving information to the Resistance. They don’t know it’s me. They think it’s a new officer” You tell him “I have to stay on the downlow for a little bit.”  
“Alright. Stay safe. I’ll report to Leia” Poe tells you, ending the line.  
You put your transponder away, letting out a loud yelp when you saw Kylo standing in the doorway, the hardest glare on his face.  
“I knew it” He said, his voice cracking as he stared at you, two Stormtroopers behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4971  
> Here's the final part for Change your mind! I hope you liked it!

“I thought you wouldn’t hesitate to kill me” You whisper, your biceps being held by the two Stormtroopers.   
“Do not test me” Kylo snapped from behind you, seeing you stumble when one of the stormtroopers tugged you a little too hard. His eyes darkened, the honey brown turning to a pitch black.  
His mask was on once more, hiding any emotion that could possibly be showing. He didn’t want anyone to know how much the future events would kill him, or how your betrayal was eating him from the inside out.   
The walk seemed to take forever, all the hallways looked the same. The black walls and black floors, doors every few feet.   
“Take her to room 870” Kylo hisses, the sound almost unable to leave his mask. He suddenly turns down a hallway, and the Stormtroopers tugged on your arms harder, making you stumble as you tried not to fall behind.   
“I can walk myself” You snap, anxiety spreading slowly throughout your chest.   
“You’d try to get away” One replies.  
“We know your reputation” The other one says.  
“Oh, you mean Kylo Ren’s personal whore?” You hiss, struggling against their grips, only for them to tighten. If they heard your cry for pain, they didn’t show it.   
The walk, god it was endless. When you arrived at 870, you were thrown into the room, the door thudding closed. You could hear the elaborate lock mechanism working to keep you in.  
You collapsed against the floor, body trembling. You knew that nothing could fix the way that Kylo Ren now hated you. He had trusted you, and you left him again. You broke him for the second time.   
You shake your head, standing and walking the perimeter of the small room, fingers running along the walls, trying to find any -any- mis-built part that could help you escape. There was none. And you were sure that this was most likely the strongest interrogation room on the ship.  
The more you inspected the room, the stranger things were. There were openings for jets, and you froze. Noticing more the multiple torture devices built into the walls. No. No no no. You begin to tremble, moving and collapsing against the door, looking around and trying to identify all the different contraptions.   
They were going to torture you. Ben, your Ben, was going to torture you. He knew that it was the one thing you were terrified of. You’d rather have a painful, drawn out death than be tortured.   
You sat in fear for hours, eyes flitting to each contraption that you had identified, making sure none of them had moved, changed, or stars forbid, turned on.   
“You will tell us what the Resistance is planning” A voice came over from an intercom, General Hux, you recognized. “You will tell us exactly what information you gave them, and what they will be doing with said information.”  
“Go to hell” You yell out, looking up and seeing a two-way glass. You knew Hux was standing behind the glass, and you had a feeling that Kylo was also observing.   
“Very well” Hux says, his voice static as he turned off the intercom.  
You heard a loud warning horn, and you winced, hiding inwards of yourself. The clear plastic panels that covered the jets opened, and there was a sudden thin stream of water coming from three walls. They were hard, the water forcing itself out of the small hoses. You moved to where you wouldn’t get wet, only for the water to follow you, the three streams hitting your skin.   
You let out a pained scream, one of the jets breaking the skin on your shoulder from the pressure. The other two jets hit part of your clothed limbs, and they started to wear away the fabric. You let out a sob, trying to move away from the jets.  
They turned off suddenly, and you slump, body trembling.  
“Are you ready to talk” Hux asked, and you spit onto the floor, glaring up at the glass.   
The intercom released static once more as it shut off, and you cowered, eyes squeezing shut when you saw a small drill come out from the wall beside you. You bite your lip, trying to fight back your cries of pain when it started going into your collarbone, drilling the bone and breaking it in half.  
You wouldn’t cry. You wouldn’t cry. You wouldn’t cry.   
Your breathing was laboured, inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. You were trying to control your emotions, and your sounds as something hit the nape of your neck. You were thrown into the middle of the room, and you let out a wracked sob as the drill tore through your shoulder.   
You reached up, feeling the skin torn from your collar bone to your bicep.   
Just tell him what he wants to know A voice, Kylo’s voice, rang through your head.  
“Go fuck yourself!” You scream, the word turning into a piercing scream of pain when something grabbed a hold of you, throwing you across the room and into the wall.   
“You’re no man!” You sob “You’re a monster!”  
You could feel the pain radiating from Kylo, it overtook you. But your pain was greater, and you tried to project it to him. The physical pain you were feeling was nothing to his heartbreak.  
You gasp when you’re kicked from the wall, rolling back to the middle of the room, landing on your broken shoulder.  
“Monsters!” You scream.  
~  
Hux and Kylo left after a few hours of trying to break you. Before he left, Hux set the water jets on, but at a slightly smaller pressure so you would last the night, So you wouldn’t die without him present You thought.  
The jets hit you throughout the night, leaving your skin raw and you unable to sleep.   
It started up again at six in the morning and ended at ten at night. They put a time and date clock in the room for you to see. For you to countdown your life energy.  
The torture went on for weeks. Three weeks, four days, fifteen hours and fifty-two minutes to be exact. You were fading. You hadn’t told them anything. The day before, Kylo entered the room, standing before you to wrack your brain, to find what you were hiding. But you were numb. You had no memories, no thoughts. He couldn’t find anything in your mind, there was nothing to see but the endless pain from the torture that was brought upon you. He stared at you quietly, using everything he had to find something in your mind that wasn’t searing pain.   
You looked up from where you were curled up on the floor, catching his eye before looking away. There was something in your eye he had never seen before. Fear, hatred. He had seen those in the eyes of anyone that set eyes on him, but it had never had you be its host. He stepped back, his muscles tightening as he becomes overwhelmed in your mind, you pushing him out of your head.  
“Leave me. There’s nothing for you here” You croak, looking away and turning to the wall, wincing as your shoulder moved. You didn’t show your pain, but it clung to him like a moth to a flame.   
“Y/n-“ He started, voice cracking under the mask.  
“Leave me!” You cry, not turning to him. His boots hitting the metal floor were the only thing you heard for the next few days.   
~  
The days were silent. You were waiting for the torture to start back up. It had been so silent, so empty for days with nothing but the sound of your laboured breathing.   
Your collarbone was starting to set, and you had screamed in pain when you had tried to set it a little bit. Your clothing was caked in blood, as was your skin. Your skin was raw and an angry red. They had broken your body. They had subjected you to torture to receive nothing. You were waiting for the jets to turn back on, or the drill to find another bone to break. It had already gone through three of your ribs, just missing your vitals by millimeters.  
What were they waiting for? Why couldn’t they just kill you already?  
They gave you the worst slops possible, and in the most recent days, you left the tray alone. You drank the water, but you refused to touch the food or the medication that was given to you for pain. So you can heal and they can start all over you thought. It never occurred to you that it might just be because someone was torturing themselves by watching your pain, by feeling it on the other side of the ship. A man who distanced himself as far as possible without leaving the ship, if he left, they would kill you. He was the only reason you were still alive.   
Another week, and you were withering away. Your body eating at the small amount of fat stored in your body. You were weak, barely able to move.   
You didn’t even wince when the door to the room slammed open. You hadn’t heard anyone speak since you told Kylo to leave you. In your weeks in the room, it finally occurred to you that he was no longer Ben Solo. But in fact, Kylo Ren. He was everything that Snoke wanted him to be. A murderer, emotionless, a weapon.   
“y/n!” Someone called, their boots hitting the surface of the floor roughly, darting to you.  
You weakly lift up your head, eyes meeting Poe’s, Leia coming in behind him.  
“P-“ You start, before your body is wracked with violent coughs.  
“Don’t speak” Leia urges, kneeling in front of you and helping you sit up.  
“What did they do to you” Poe asks, Leia helping him left you up in the least painful way possible.   
“He- he’s not Ben anymore” You whisper, tears falling from your eyes.  
“Ben did this to you?” Poe asked, his body stiff as he carried you from the room.  
“Not Ben. Kylo” You urged, beginning to tremble at the thought of him.  
“We’re going to get you home” Poe whispers, running down the hall with you in his arms.   
Leia held up a gun, looking around each corner before allowing Poe to follow her.   
“Wh- Where’s Han?” You ask, whimpering when your shoulder was jostled.   
Leia’s face fell, looking over to you for a split second before looking away, shaking her head.  
“N-no. H-he can’t b-b-be” You whimper, reading the story behind her eyes.   
“We’ll talk after we get back to base” Leia says, running down a particularly long hallway. You reach the hangar, Poe setting you into a seat on a disguised Resistance ship.   
You look over, feeling his presence. Kylo Ren stood in all his glory at the door of the hangar. His cape flowed behind him as he turned, leaving. You closed your eyes, Leia doting on you as Poe started the ship.   
You could hear people yelling, Stormtroopers realizing that the ship wasn’t cleared for takeoff. The door closed, and you let out a breath, feeling like you could breathe for the first time in months.   
The ride took a few days, Leia almost never left your side. She helped you eat small meals, trying to regain a little of your energy back. She wrapped your wounds, unable to help them on the small transport ship.   
Poe came back to check on you occasionally, whispering how he was going to kill Kylo with his bare hands the next time he sees him. You didn’t talk to either of them in the days that it took to get to the Resistance Base.   
You were lost in your mind when people ran to the ship to help Leia and Poe with you. Doctors ran to you, helping you get to the medical area. You were placed on a bed, a needle put into your arm to numb your body.   
You fell asleep as they worked on you, re-breaking your collarbone and setting it properly. They stitched up your body. You had more thread than skin at this point. They changed you into a pair of blue scrub pants, and a white tanktop. It was the most efficient clothing to put on you, if any of your wounds opened, the blood would show up immediately. They washed your hair and trimmed the dead ends off for you. Your skin was rubbed daily with a thick cream, helping them with the damage from the water.  
You didn’t say a word to anyone until you were able to move around on your own. It took months of painful rehabilitation to be able to walk freely and have almost full movement of your body again.   
~  
You walked quietly down a hall, going to your childhood room. The walls painted a light cream colour, your bedding a soft grey. There was the bookshelf in the corner, and all your clothes had been replaced for you.   
You sit on your bed, picking up the tablet you often used to browse the news of multiple planets. You punch in a passcode 9-7-3-9. An error message popped up, wrong code. You sigh, realizing you had put in the code to get into Kylo’s room. You punch in the proper code 3-1-6-2. The tablet unlocked, showing you the article you had been reading about Wookie’s before you had left.  
You close the article, browsing headlines when a knock came at your door. It opened right after, Leia walking in. She wore her standard white outfit, but she had a flowy top on. She moves and sits on the bed with you.   
She took you in. The bruises had faded from your face, but your skin was still pale and the bags under your eyes were a dim grey. Your eyes didn’t have the light they once held, and they were rimmed red. Your hair was pulled away from your face, pulled back into a sloppy braid. You were unable to hold your arms up long enough to spend time on your hair anymore, there was too much pain that shot through your limbs. You wore a loose light grey t-shirt, and a knitted grey-purple cardigan over top of it. Your pants were a stretchy black legging. Your feet were bare, the veins showing on them through the yellow bruises that remained.   
“You’re looking so much better” Leia tells you, and you give a weak smile.  
“I feel better, for the most part” You tell her “My shoulder will never fully heal”  
“I heard.” Leia said, nodding “I hate to ask this while you’re recovering, but I do need to know exactly what happened”  
You nod, taking a deep breath “When I checked in with Poe, Kylo was behind the door and heard my update. The Stormtroopers he had with him took me to the room. General Hux was the one to operate all the torture devices. I never told them what they wanted me to tell them about the Resistance.”  
“I would have understood if you had cracked from the pressure” Leia says quietly.  
“But I didn’t. I couldn’t” You say “Now, please. What happened here?”  
“Poe’s droid-“   
“BB-8. Is he okay?”   
“Yes, the droid is quite fine. Poe left BB-8 on a scavenger planet, where it encountered Rey. She is force sensitive. She was kidnapped by the First Order and was tortured by Ben-“  
“Kylo. He’s not Ben”  
“Yes. Kylo. Finn, a previous Stormtrooper, helped Han get Rey out of the Finalizer. Kylo and Han had a confrontation – a-and-“ She paused, her shoulders shaking.  
“Kylo killed Han” You whispered, eyes wide, begging her silently that it wasn’t true.   
“Yes” She said quietly. She reaches into the pocket of her white pants, pulling out a leather chord that was wrapped around an amber and onyx stone. “He asked me to give this to you”  
She handed you the necklace, and you held it against your chest, tears in your eyes. One slipped down your cheek, and you slipped the chord over your neck. You had played with this necklace when you were a child. It was one of your favorite things to examine. It had been Han’s, and he had found it while he was doing business on a far off planet.   
“But, we found Luke” She tells you.  
“Uncle Luke?” You whisper, eyes wide.   
“Yes. He’s in his living quarters right now. He’s expecting you” She says.   
You lean in, wrapping your arms around the woman you had called mother for so many years.  
“I love you” You tell her, knowing that she was in pain. She was suffering.  
“And I you” She responds, kissing your cheek “Now go see your uncle before he breaks something”  
You smile, standing and leaving your bedroom, walking down the stone hall and up a staircase. You walked up three more sets of stairs before walking down another hall.  
You stopped at a grey door, knocking gently. The door opened, and you stepped into a room much like your own. But there was a light saber on a table, and a bearded man resting on the bed. You walked over to the bed, flopping beside your favorite uncle.  
“They found you” You whisper, laying on your back and matching Luke’s position.   
“They found me” He says, turning his head to look at you.  
There were no words shared, but stories filled your head. You shared your memories with him, letting your guard down so he could explore your life from the past year.   
You didn’t need to say anything to each other, you had always been close. He was the one who took you from the Finalizer, the one who took care of you and taught you what it was like to be part of the Resistance.   
You curled up into the older man’s side, letting out a small cry.  
“I love him” You whimper.  
“I know” He tells you, rubbing the back of your neck “It is often love that destroys us”  
“I hurt him”  
“He hurt you”  
“He’s in more pain than I am”  
“He chose the life he has”  
“So did I”  
“You’re safe”  
“I don’t feel it”  
“You are”  
“How do you know?”  
“Because I’m home now”  
“Will you protect me?”  
“Always, you know that”  
You nod, sniffling as you buried your head in his chest, he rubbed your shoulder, letting you cry on him. He was the once person who understood everything. You were family, best friends. You were almost positive that your real family wasn’t as good as the one who had taken you in under their wings.   
~  
You put yourself into a routine. You oversaw training the younger kids to block their mind from the force, how to create fake memories and make them untraceable. Stars know that these skills had saved you on more than one occasion.   
Uncle Luke helped you train them. He would demonstrate the force going into a mind, how you could notice it and how to put up quick barricades to block them from going any further.   
During the time where you taught the children, you slowly healed.   
It took almost two years before you got all your mobility back. You could run again, and ride horses, you were able to swim in the springs and climb trees. You weren’t able to use your arm and shoulder for extended periods of time, but it was nice to be able to do the things you often did before you went to the Finalizer.  
While you were back on your planet, you often spent more time than you used to, wandering around the forest, enjoying the fresh air and the way being in an atmosphere made you feel so alive, so human. You were human, a human who had gone through so much shit to get where you were now. You knew you should want to wish away all the bad you had endured, but in that time, you were able to be with the man you had loved for so long, even if it was a short period of time. You didn’t regret it. You knew you were exactly where you needed to be.  
~  
Another year, and you were working in the medical ward. You had trained who you needed to have trained. They were now preparing to be fighters for the Resistance. You took care of them when they were injured by the First Order, or when they went a little too hard during training.   
It had been two and a half years by that point, since you had seen or heard of Kylo Ren. Though, you could never make it through a day without thinking about him at least once. And more often than not, you found yourself wondering how your life would be different if you had told Kylo that you had loved him the first time he told you, or if he had never found out that you were a spy. Would you still be with him? Would you have fled? Would he have left the First Order for you? Would Han still be alive?  
You walked down the hallway from your bedroom, making your way down the stairs and getting yourself a hot drink from the large kitchen.   
The weather was cooling down, and you left the base, nodding to your comrades quietly. You stop though, when you see Rey holding a mask. Kylo Ren’s mask.  
Your entire body tenses. You notice how busted up the mask was, as if it was slammed into a wall multiple times. You shake slightly, maybe from how cold your bare feet were, or because Kylo Ren was being dragged off the ship in front of you, trying to fight against the two holding him.  
His eyes were wild, and he was spewing curses out, but fell silent when he saw you. His eyes were begging you to understand. What you were supposed to understand, you didn’t know.   
“Go on a walk” Leia said quietly from beside you. You nod, not needing another moment before you were walking away, passing Kylo. His cape hit your ankle, but you didn’t look away from your straight stance. You knew if you looked at him, your recovery would be broken and you would be back to square one.   
You walk straight, going down the path to the small pond that you sit at all the time. You crawl up onto a large rock, feet tucked under you as you stare out over the water, strange fish grazing the top but never coming above the glass like substance.   
He was here. How was he here. Where did they find him. Why did he let himself be captured. Did they go after him? Did they just happen to come across him?  
So many questions ran through your mind, and your drink was forgotten. You didn’t know what or how to feel. You felt a rush of joy when you saw him, but the flashbacks from being in the torture room.  
The thought made you life up your hand, slipping it under the neckline of your top, cold fingertips grazing the raised, scarred skin. He had done nothing to stop Hux from doing this to you. If he had loved you like he had said, he would have made it stop. But he didn’t. So it was clear that he didn’t truly love you, not how he said he did at least.   
It was an hour before someone came to get you, saying that there was a bad storm coming in. You nod, sliding from the boulder and following them back to the base. Luck was standing at the door, waiting for the two of you to arrive before he closed and locked the large door.   
“We need you” He said quietly as you stepped over the threshold.   
“Why” You say, not really a question.  
“He won’t speak to anyone but you” Luke says quietly.   
You nod, walking down the stairs, following the path to the interrogation rooms. You heard his cries, Leia talking quietly to her son. You open the door where the sounds were coming from, walking in and shutting the door behind you.  
“I was summoned” You say quietly, keeping your eyes away from Kylo.  
“He wanted to speak to you before he was interrogated” She says.  
“I don’t want to talk to him” You state.  
“Y/N –“ Kylo whispered, staring at you with tears down his cheeks “Please”  
Leia slipped out of the room, noticing you clenching your fists.  
“Please” He repeated, eyes puffy.  
“You don’t get to talk to me like you’re the broken one” You snap  
“You don’t know what’s happened” He whispered, silently begging you to look at him.  
“I don’t want to talk to you” You whisper “You broke me”  
“I broke you? I thought you loved me! That you wanted to be with me!” He yells, it’s when he struggles that you realize he has chains on his wrists.  
“I did!” You scream, and then your voice fell, almost inaudible “I do”  
There was silence. Nothing but the sound of your breathing. You look over to him, catching his eye. You saw flashes of things he didn’t know how to say our loud. He was trembling, tears spilling from his eyes.  
“Look, Kylo-“ You say, only to be cut off.  
“It’s Ben” He whispers, looking down at the floor.  
“You haven’t been Ben for a long time”   
“I thought he died. But he’s still here”  
“I don’t believe you”  
“I promise. Everything that I am. I am Ben Solo.”  
You turn away, tears threatening to show. You never thought you would hear those words coming from him.  
“Y/N… You can hate me as much as you want. But please, I just need one answer” He begs, trying to get closer.  
“You get one question” You tell him, turning to face him.  
“Was it real?” He asks, his voice barely audible.   
“You can’t fake true love Ky- Ben” You say, staring and catching his gaze.  
“I should have never let you be tortured” He whispers, eyes grazing the start of a scar on your neck.  
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have” You say, pulling your cardigan up to hide the scar from his gaze.   
“Y/N… Oh Y/N. I’m so sorry I let you get hurt” He says, trying to push the sob back down, but it came out. It was a loud, dry noise. As if he had been crying more often than you thought.  
“Y/N. I love you” He whispers “I’m sorry”  
“You let them break me” You whisper hoarsely, begging yourself not to cry in front of him.  
“I love you” He repeats.  
“Say it again”   
“I love you”  
“Why are you here”  
“I made myself get caught. I love you”  
“Why”  
“I love you”  
“What about the First Order”  
“It can’t love me back.  
You turn, looking at him again. “And you think I’ll love you back?”  
“No” He says, head dropping “I’m a monster”  
You shake your head. Resting your forehead against the wall, eyes closed. Don’t give into him. Don’t do it. He could be lying to you. But what if he’s not. Your mind argued.   
You turn to him once again. His back is against the wall, and he’s… he’s crying. It’s not the kind where he just squeezes a tear or two out. But his cheeks were stained. The flow from his eyes weren’t going to be ending anytime soon.  
You shuffle, slowly moving towards him. You hover above his quaking frame for a moment before dropping to your knees. Your hands raised, and they cupped his face, causing you to frown when he winced and shied away from you.  
“It was always real Ben” You tell him, leaning in and pressing a gentle, but firm, kiss onto his forehead, right between his brows.   
He lifts his head, looking at you with such love in his eyes, that you almost melted.   
“Love me” you whisper, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his neck, and then down. Your hand slowly sliding under his shirt, popping the buttons.   
“Y/n” He breathed, closing his eyes as his shackled hands came up to grab your waist gently. Pulling you closer so your body was pressed against his. “Kiss me again”  
You did as he said, pressing your lips against his. His lips were so soft. So gentle against yours.  
“I won’t break” You whisper, pressing yourself against him a little harder.   
“I wish not to take the chance” He mumbles against your lips.  
“I haven’t been laid in almost three years” You grumble, pushing his shirt open and starting on his under armor.   
“And you think I have?” He gasped, his head falling back against the wall as you run your nails down his chest lightly, leaving a love bite on his collarbone.  
You let out a small giggle, biting his shoulder as you slowly began to rock your hips against his. You could feel his bulge slowly growing against your inner thigh as you moved.  
“Oh Ben” You whisper, your breathing becoming a little bit heavier.  
“Let me see you. Please” He begged, his hands pushing away the cardigan that you had on. He stilled for a moment, seeing a part of the scar once more.   
He slowly lifted your shirt, dragging it up your torso while his knuckles grazed your skin. You tremble, your cheeks flushed as you continued to roll your hips, whimpering when the cold air hit your skin. He tossed away the shirt, stilling when he saw the extent of the scar. A scar that he had allowed.  
His fingertips touch the scar, his hand was shaking. He traced the scar, feeling the length.   
“Oh Y/N” He whispered, voice cracking.  
“It took a long time to heal” You say quietly.  
“I’m so sorry” He sobbed, body trembling.   
You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him against you.  
“It’s okay”


End file.
